THE RESILIENT MIND BLOG
What being in a stressful state means to you
By Vic Lebouthillier · October 16, 2020
Most of us know the feeling from the inside: the jaw tightens, the thoughts speed up, and a small problem suddenly feels enormous. This is what it means to be in an escalated state — a moment when the body’s stress response has taken over and the calm, reasoning part of the mind has stepped back. It happens to everyone. What separates people who manage stress well from those who get swept away by it isn’t the absence of escalation; it’s the ability to notice it as it’s happening.
What happens when we escalate
When the brain senses a threat — even a purely social or emotional one like a harsh email or a looming deadline — it triggers a cascade of physical changes designed for survival. Heart rate climbs, muscles tense, and attention narrows onto the perceived danger. In that state we are wired to react quickly, not to think carefully. It’s why arguments escalate, why we say things we regret, and why a molehill can look like a mountain. None of it is a character flaw; it’s biology doing exactly what it evolved to do.
Why awareness changes everything
The escalated state has one great vulnerability: it loses much of its grip the moment you notice it. Simply thinking “I’m escalated right now” re-engages the reflective part of the brain and creates a sliver of space between the feeling and your response. In that space, choice becomes possible again. You can breathe, step back, or delay a reaction instead of being carried by it.
This is why self-awareness is treated as the very first trait of resilience. Every calming skill, every wise decision under pressure, depends on it — because you cannot manage a state you haven’t noticed you’re in.
Learning to catch it earlier
With practice, you can learn to recognise your own early warning signs — the clenched shoulders, the clipped tone, the racing mental commentary — and catch escalation before it peaks. The earlier you notice, the easier it is to steer. Over time, that noticing becomes almost automatic, and moments that once hijacked your whole day become brief, manageable ripples instead.
About the author
Vic Lebouthillier is passionate about bringing the latest advances in neuro, social, and behavioural science to individuals, organisations, and communities that need the support.