THE RESILIENT MIND BLOG
Is physical distancing hurting your relationship?
By Vic Lebouthillier · October 30, 2020
Long stretches of enforced closeness, or of unwanted distance, put relationships under a kind of pressure most couples never trained for. Small irritations magnify, routines collide, and the easy rhythms that once held a partnership together can start to feel strained. None of this means the relationship is failing. It means it’s being asked to adapt — and adaptation is a skill that can be learned. With a little intention, distance and disruption can become an opportunity to build a sturdier connection rather than a wedge between you.
Seven ways to protect your connection
1. Make time on purpose. When every day blurs together, connection has to be scheduled rather than assumed. A protected pocket of time — a walk, a shared meal without screens — signals that the relationship still matters.
2. Communicate the small things. Distance breeds assumptions. Saying what you need, feel, and appreciate out loud closes the gap that silence quietly widens.
3. Give each other space. Closeness and autonomy aren’t opposites; they’re partners. Respecting each other’s need for solitude prevents togetherness from tipping into friction.
4. Assume good intent. Under stress, a neutral comment can land like a criticism. Choosing to read your partner generously — assuming care rather than attack — defuses a huge share of avoidable conflict.
5. Repair quickly. Every couple ruptures; resilient couples reconnect fast. A sincere “I’m sorry, that came out wrong” matters more than never slipping up.
6. Keep some novelty alive. Shared routines are comforting, but sameness can flatten a relationship. A new recipe, a different route, a small surprise keeps things feeling alive.
7. Ask for help when you need it. There is no prize for struggling alone. Leaning on trusted friends, family, or a professional is a sign of strength, not failure.
Distance as a turning point
Handled with care, a season of distance or disruption can teach a couple things about themselves they’d never otherwise have learned — how they communicate under pressure, what they truly value, how to come back together after pulling apart. The goal isn’t to survive the hard stretch untouched, but to let it make the partnership more resilient than it was before.
About the author
Vic Lebouthillier is passionate about bringing the latest advances in neuro, social, and behavioural science to individuals, organisations, and communities that need the support.